Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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