She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
