i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
