i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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