I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They took my balls.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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