easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
3 2 1 whiskey
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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