You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
