We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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