it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They took my balls.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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