I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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