why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
