I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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