Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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