it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
