in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
