he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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