He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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