im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
