Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
