Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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