her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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