I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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