Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
