We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
