yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
