I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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