Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
