new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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