Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
