It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
