I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
