I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
