Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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