What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
