It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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