Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
