her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
