Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
