At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
