did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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