i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
