I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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