He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
