I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
