Christians are straight up FREAKS
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
