tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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