Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
