Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
