Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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