So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
