we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
