I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
