can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
